love was once my Garden‏

fingers clenched together,
the couple in front of me.
sweet smile from her face,
brave grin from his face.
the power of love,
so beautiful.

regret to say,
this once beautiful garden of love,
where i try not to exit...
is now my worst deserted landscape.
ugly, colorless, foul.

the fountain gushing with water is now a dried up scene for leaves that was gave up by the tree.
grass lacks trimming,
as it tickles, and eat into my skin.

my florid flowers of all kinds is now bowing,
their stem engulfed with cotton looking viruses.
beautiful and soft are they,
yet they consumed the life of my flowers.
dont be deceived by your eyes.
these soft looking cotton balls.

everything looks disgustingly in place,
the pots cut my fingers.
the bacteria of death itch my hand.
the scent of these floral eating my airway.

i am scared,
this place haunts me.
every time,
my memories trick me into stepping into it.
for those moments i used to smile so vibrantly under the sun and nurturing what i thought is worthwhile.
to find thorns prick me bled.

it is a horrible place to be now.
as i sat outside and enjoy my simple bliss of wild grass.
this garden don't belong to me anymore,
it weren't mine in the first place when i started it.
i grew a thorn-ed garden that scars me,
i am not fit to be the owner of this garden.
i have failed terribly,
and i acknowledge.

i will never step into any garden and wreck anything , anymore.
i am not giving anyone, anything to hurt myself again.

i will not....




yc

me

Behind my smiles & laughter,
i am a girl whom love to cry.

for every sorrow i'm reluctant to share,
i vent it through my tears.

my thoughts seem sorted,
but they in another way am very distorted.
i view objects with optimism,
but in my mind it got converted to pessimism.
i talk,
but i dont tell.
i swim in the vast ocean,
but i'm scared.
i'm weak,
but i try to be strong.
i dont succumb,
but i dwell.

i smile to the mirror....
and more often than not,
tears rolling down.

my life is circling in indefinite resolutions.
i detest contrast,
yet they were my character.

just how am i going to lead this life?

just how much longer before i snap?

i am thinking again.


yc

i knew, now i know

my frolicking thoughts,
ever so entertaining that it twist my life.

my stubborn attitude,
ever so foolish.

but as i stand up today from this warm heated chair that i have warmed,
i tell myself that it is not okay to let my feelings wander.

oh, for goodness sake.
how many times must i constantly remind myself that!
i'm am conquered with annoyance.
why must i always submit my weak emotions to doings i know that will not benefit me.

i am...going to be fine.
i dont...need love and affection in my life.
i can....enjoy doting like a kid.
i am...going to be all right.

rooted into my mind i must,
know that,
no man can owe me anything.

i am this little girl,
forever....
love is not to be meddled with.

for every thump of heart for any man i have sink for,
i must take a breather, i must leave.
time will heal this surreal occupation of love.
and i will definitely recover,
to tone down our meetings.

nothing must be allowed to flourish out of all my friendship.
this, i must be very persistent.



yc

greed

one,
or should i just put it bluntly, me,
must always remember to only entrust men with friendship.

i can achieve dote and love without liability,
i can save the risk of losing a friend.

men detest the heart of mine,
it is a very unreasonable performance.
but i have come to acknowledge it,
and i must really learn not to commit the same mistakes over and over again.

i must constantly reminiscence of those moments,
behind closed doors, when i cried alone.
i must learn to withhold every greediness i have for the affection of men.

why must i harbor this wanderings of greed,

dearest myself....
please remember the pain of your once wounded heart,
please remember the warm saltiness of the tears that slip through the edge of your trembling lips.
please remember how many male friends you have lost for the sake of Love.
please remember of all blessing you may get showered,
love will not be there for you.
please don't let your thoughts run wild again,
please don't get deceived by dreams of your stupidity.

please wake up,
and stop your ridiculous action.

please know....
that i am not fit for any true love in this beautiful world.





yc