wings of the loser

you ever knew?
i love to listen to you talking.

on those moments,
its like all i need in this world is your speaks.
your voice makes me feel safe, and mellow.
frightening and sweet.

its like a warning,
a warning telling me to beware.
it tells me there is no way i can escape.

i have taken a plunge,
into your world,
inflict my world with foolish fantasies.

you must admit,
you are the cocaine that i have been addicted to.

today,
while you speak,
you saw through my soul,you knew.
that i will do anything for you,
and while i allow you the key to my world, i have indirectly frightened you off.

you ever knew?
i love listening to you talking.
your speeches of lectures, your life, your future.
i am by the curious side where by i know i have no access to the most beautiful side of it.

on those moments,
its like all i had of you was your voice, where i need to desperately try to store in my brain.
your voice makes me sad, unkempt.
its like sighting the rain in shelter, i cant touch and feel the liquid.

you must admit,
your are the cause to my contradiction.

today,
while you spoke.
i saw your ambition, i knew i cant be your burden nor problem.
while you let me into your world, i knew i must know when to back off.
because,
we will never be happier than this present state.





yc

(inspired by chen qi zhen)

kept

I still remember,
remember how you told me i need to be strong.

i still remember,
how i nod and ran off.
the chill purging within,
the cold in the scorching son.
the warm tears, that failed to stop my shiver.
my trembling lips that failed to calm my gritting teeth.

today,
i am all alone.
and i can still vividly remember how i kneel to the corner of the wall,
the solid shoulder that i chose to lean on,the wall that holds my tilted head.
the skirt that was wet by my tears.

today,
i am still alone.
and i cried again.




yc

halt

i blame myself,
for being such a let down.
for loving you undeterred,
to tell myself to give you blessings when i'm filled with hate,anger, fear and jealousy.

i smile, because i am proud.
i knew i cant love you anymore, so i left, to preserve my ego.
we have passed our moment, you had chose to bend to your thinking.

i hate myself, for being the loser for trying to be the winner.
to fail terribly to flaunt to you i am leading a better life.
i hate myself, for crying not in anybody's embrace but my bloster.

our love, has crossed a border.
not to worry,its a solo war.
yes...i am such a loser, the winner of many shed.

i will be fine,
i know i cant possibly lead life everyday pathetic.
i will get by,
as i bask in your little cheeky smiles,
your talented displays.

Remember, you gave me gifts i will never misplace,
until the day my eyes closed and i bring it over with me.






yc

corpse

It is a wonder how I pass my Monday, not in blue.

But a subtle confusion of emotions.

A simple evening spent by your side,

Reminiscence of our fond memories.



How we communicate like before,

Same, simple care, yet embodied with so much difference.

I no longer own you, as per you no longer own me.

We were both leading our life in the direction we set ourselves,

And amidst the passage, things changed, and some things just plainly ignored.



Have we changed? Or we just rationally ignore the fact that, indeed, we may still linger with our emotions?



I have no idea, and I don’t render myself to revoke those failing times as before.

It is such a pleasure to see you again,and it is such a heart ache to split with you again.

The last moment of eye contact before the lift door wakes us, or maybe just me, to reality.



My heart is too fragile, my mind is too curious.

My fantasy will one day tarnish me, my erupted love will melt me to immense sorrow.



I have no idea why every time, when people abuse my feelings, it is you I hope to shatter my tears.



I have no idea why when I saw you, all the lies…

If only I can break down in front of you, then my heart will be temporarily filled up with console that can lead me through lonely moments.



Lonely moments…

I should have long told myself the wisest thing is to be quietly by your side and not source for any more people to trust.

For many times, people love to fondle with my smile, tap my tears.


Lonely moments.





yc