suddenly,i thought of the sisterhood i had during my sec.sch days.
yeah~the gals i meantion b4,how i miss them.
okok,here's a brief story abt us....
Joan,known as the super sarcastic gal,well,u can say she gossip alot...all criticism on others.I'm the least perfect among them,she nvr point out any negativity abt me.In turn,she actually praises me alot,tryin to bring up my confidence level.Yes!i hav to admit i look pretty confident in everything,but to the close frens of mine.I show the real YC.The lonely...pretty pessimistic side.I always turn to food for consolation,they,would get me the food i like and tell me all the good thing of being sumone who love food.Joan is a very health consious gal(by the way~she looks alittle like hippo~a very cute one),hence i really thank her acceptance in my diet.
Thinkin of her now,how sad,how i miss her...but i'm always so..so weak in contactin them back.Maybe its bcos i'm afraid to face them.They are always improving...while i...m always stagnent.I wonder whether the family thing do matters n affect my personality.Or my devotion of all my time to my ex,created this crack among us...which leaves a mark no matter how hard we try to glue n mend.I know she's not the petty type,but m i lettin go of this thought myself?
Bsides joan,there's also this little goddess tat went through heaps of troubles with me...n she's christina.A very blessed gal who loves to share her blessings with me.Gettin me almost anythin i like.She's this skinny,pretty gal...standing nex to her diminished every single thought i harbour on how gd i look.Infront of her...i turn anorexic,when i leave her sight,i binge on food.Yet again,she has nth to blame for it,cant xpect her to put on weight for me.Then slowly,i bcum bulimic.(i dunno y i'm doin this...as in..sharing this story...)She's worried for me,i know tat~but my confidence is killing me..they hav reach a depth i would nvr imagine myself goin through.Hence,my stupid thinkin...slowly withdraw me,from her...i miss her now n then,at all times(cos i hav this tv in my hse...with all the lovegety n neoprints we took together in the past!).Tears is wat i use to pacify myself when i think of her.
think of our laughin days together,how sumtimes my attitude due to bulimis n anorexic get on their nerves.Thank god,there is still one gal who nvr walk n leave me alone...she's shuhua...always,she'll try to b by my side.I try to protect her in everything.Making sure she's leavin her days happily.But...she hav her frenz in sch.I cant hog on to her for long,everyone loves her.I muz share her with others...
my too much time available,her too little time on me,make me feel drifted frm her.Then,to cover up for my lack of confidence,lying bcame my fren.I would always make sure i'm perfect enough infront of them.But one thing i nvr thought tat time...is lying is 'our' enemy.The guilt makes it even more difficult for me to face them.One lie,covers another.Sadly,i turn to venting my loneliness in shoppin,i always know how hard is my pap workin,but i juz cant control my spending.And i always go ovr budget...leavin my tired dad speechless of me.I know he loves me too much to scold.But the more he's acceptin it,the more pain i feel in my heart.I still smile n laugh daily now...thank god~He still give me moments of laughter.I dunno whether they r deep frm my heart,one thing i know is at least i'm still smiling daily,which makes my life not tat bad anyway~(^+^)
i'm lookin forward to a meetin up soon,where we gals club,sing,dance again...make a trip to kuala lumpur together 'again'~
after this really sad ending to my bloved sisterhood~NSD came up.I found frenx again~these bunch now os totally diff frm my sisterhood.Humble,friendly...maybe bcos they r not the super perfect,my confidence stands out more,n i slowly accept the group thingy better now.My mood still swings here n there,but i'm tryin to keep them under control,so i wun lose any of u ppl~
I admit i'm very drama...but its all beyond my control,even though i knoe they r happening inside me.I can try to hide,but its wearing me out sooner or later.
Today i publish all this in my blog is to get some load off,n lettin my fellow NSDs know me better,cos i know i cant tell u guys this story face to face.The hugs n consolation i will get on the spot will tear me...i predict.
anyway~if u actually read my wholw thing...i thank u~for ur patience...
yc
