Hello little miss weakling

I had lost myself in a relationship, I envy people you, all whom have someone to embrace your momentum. I, as a girl, is dwelled in a relationship where I cannot show anger. I wonder why, but I solve the mystery. I looked upon the vast blue sky, saw birds fly high... my mind soaring blind. I breathe, but my soul no longer believe. I no longer am hopeful... I had chose to just live like this, be his bliss. I want to be the reason he's happy. But what am I?, Hello...little Miss Weakling. yc

What you told me....its okay...i'll live with it.

Dearest love , our frail relationship is close to 1 year old , over these last months , you have many momentary tantrums that kept piercing my heart. you can b sweet, you can be nice , but when your temper gets the better of you, you forget that i am still a living human stood beside you. 24/07/2012 ... you shook me with your temper again , tiredness had got the better of you. i remembered on this night , you told me you dont like to invite more work for yourself... then Uncle Alvin came to my mind, I could not understand your kindness to him. but to not provoke you, i kept queries locked up. a lot of times you chose to frolic around than take a rest, when you're tired later , your temper gave unrest. you will start to complain again , start to complain about everyone again, including me. but ,many times , you failed to sense our agony. you are egoistic .. you blame exterior factors for your life. but you failed to notice, you spent too much time on your past. i may seem like a a little girl , but that does not mean that that you are greater. you constantly ..... tell me I have no maturity. but i want you to know , we have maturity but on different aspect. your maturity is based on facts , mine is based on self-being. you told me my family , the assets they leave behind wont take care of me... but to me , assets is not all about the money you see... as my dearest , you told me you dont have time for emotion. I'll always remember ... you told me you only care about earning money , I'll always remember ... and thus, i'll always remember to help you earn more money ... take up less of your time... for this is what you want... and i believe what you want, is genuinely what i want too. yc

kept

if you.

if you know how scary your face look like when you're mad.

then will u stop portraying it to me?

if you,

if you know how intimidated i felt when you spoke to me in that tone,

then will u stop speaking to me like that when you're unhappy?

if you,

if you know how i love to see you smile,

then will you try to wear that face when you're with me?

if you,

if you know how i felt...

then will you try to understand me?

if I,

if i learn to swallow my temper,

then will you know why i did that?

if I,

if i chose to be by your side despite any sadness,

then will you learn to see the beauty of it.

if I,

if i chose not to live the life you setted for me,

then will you appreciate me trying to be myself?



i had changed for you, but also, i have fear for you.

that face...i cant figure why would u want me to see it.





yc

Acquiesce

Like a piece of trash,

you left me behind.

like training a dog,

u fancy scaring me with your actions.

those facial expressions....

i still recall,

yesterday... what damage you had done to my heart.

emotions had u evoked ,

well executed .

sent me into a spiral of fear and sadness.

what causes those drooling tears of salted bitterness.

my voice choked with lingering agony.

maybe u spoke too much,

you should not have committed so much to me.

because now,

your actions is slapping me.

slapping my belief, or so i thought.

slapped it swollen and bled.

i handed you a mended heart,

and u chose to slit through those plasters.

baby, if u knew u stole my smile away.

would u kindly return them to me?

for it took me many big efforts to build them from before,








yc

welcome

at this very moment while writing,
my heart is aching.

suddenly breathing,
became very tiring.

my brain exploit.
heart devout.

i cant process everything properly,
i cant sustain my spirits.
my eyes am tired yet they were not tearing.

i am living a moment of intense complication now,
whereby my thoughts is trying to calm my anguished heart.

suddenly, i miss you a lot.
and so many memories of thin needles,
pricking my skin,delivering a tingling sensation on my skin...
i felt it, but i don't see it.
there is a wound, a scar.
and its not visible.

i tried...i cried....i persuade myself that i am fine....
i remember the time my brain tells my heart never to tear for you ever again,
i am trying my best to live my thought, words into action.

yet,
despite the effort...
i am failing.
failed terribly,
my aching heart is reminding me,
that you have not left.

succumbed.
those wonderful memories became a wall,
a wall to locked you in.

you will never know.

and every time i acknowledge how i have failed my loving parents because of you...
i am sad....
for you, for myself,for my family,for my friends...
i am sorry.


yc

Meddling

how can i release this.

i came to acknowledge.
this fact,
that making friends with dark forces on the opposite side,
makes one braver.

evil is a shadow,
our direct duplicate.
only it is darker,
it has no eyes to hurt by sight,
he uses our's.
no ears to hear & know,
he let us listen & digest it for us.
no mouth to kiss and speak,
he knew humans yearn for kisses,
he knew our lips will hurt ourselves.

you thought light would have diminished him.
but it stays with strength,
you cant shake it off.

and how many could bear to split with him.
little by little,
you will enjoy its presence.
how it loyally turns up everytime.
evil is calamity,
evil,its familiarity.

sunlight is his ally.
devil doesn't just prevails in darkness.

Bravery

like a devil you appear in my life,
showering me with an evilness.
that i am afraid of,
my mended heart.
its success in me,
treated with tme & strength.

why must you,
why must you engulf me with so much love,
not realizing how intimidatig it was.
not realizing how much courage you have forced out of me.

i smile,
yet i fear.
should 1 day u left me like them,
how am i suppose to stand up again.

a simple breeze you are,
so warm,
i sense it every moment.

life,
never treated me fair.
i,
have this sad belief.

i am not a strong girl,
i never was.

to me,
love was never kind.
it shook me off my strong feet,
so many times.
i am reluctant to kneel again.

hence,
did you see how much i have handed you when i took your hand.

and do you know,
how important a responsibility is entrusted to you.

are you 100% sure,
this is what you truely want to protect?

and i am sure,
i had bared my heart to your disposal.

no assurance,
a decision.

my outcome?
my tears.





yc

Infestation

I woke up ,

to find my religious soul flown away,

empty shelled.

i look into the mirror,

hollow eyed.

viciously looking at me is this world.

poisoned,

am the ticking time wasting away,

every second melts away.

while i serenade in my living corpse.

this very moment,

i dumbfound at my detest for living.

i tried to contain my breathe within,

till my heart retaliate against my action of reverse.

what had happened to me,

in this cloudy morning.

i seem to be enclosed by this evil,

atrociously pleasant,

mischief bound within misery.

i cant spell what i am going through.

there is no tears,

no temper stomping my heart.

i chose ...

to lay back onto my bed again.

i switch off the lights,

reach for my cigerette , i lit those devilish flames, babarity.

and I let this offensive villain corrupt me.

maybe after all...

i dont need GOD.







yc

anywhen

3pm,
sipping the piping hot afternoon coffee.
my fifth cup.

filled with documents of all sorts,
my desk.

playing in my MP3 is the song.
your song.

on my right,
a takeaway bag.
filled with macdonalds french fries,
your favourite food.


i am not eating it,neither am i humming to the song.

i just need you to be surrounding me,
to focus my concentration back to living my life well.

dear one,
i just need your presence around me.








yc

confer

i replayed those tracks u gave me 4 years ago.

rekindling is the same old feeling i used to bear for you.

the period of time where smiling softly in any ride is a habit,

the time where my spirits were lifted so sky high everyday.

the moment where i thank god so much for bestowing you to me .

those days...

whose life am i exactly living?

today,

i sat in a new office,new environment

new job, new friends,

new hopes, new hobbies,new commitments...

for everything new,

i could not bear to let go the memories you gave me,

memories u left me.

no,

no new men in my life.

no one to replace you.

no one to repeat all the sweet words you supplied me with.

no one to hug me like u did before.

no one to kiss my forehead,

no one to tickle my nose when i'm laying by your side.

no one, no one to share the story we once had together.

no one to clench through my fingers like you did.

i attempted,

i tried to move on.

but my inconsistency to love, had got me men that never believes in cherishing me.

i had been letted go so many times,

yet my heart only numbs,

my heart,

lost amidst aching.

Big, Blue, Bounderless sky,

heavy, grey clouds.

my love,

when are you coming to collect me?

haven't you left me alone long enough?

i am still extending my hands out,

desperation.

when are you holding me up again...

and love me sincerely.






yc