encumber

Baby,
today,i awake to find out i have lost the battle.
My actions,my thinking and my heart hav been to war.
they repel,they fought.
Behaving strongly like i don't even care,
enduring thoughts of how u doted her.
I have learnt from you how to react indifferently to all situations,
even when the urge to cry purge.
We're so far apart.
i miss u lots,yet i'm trying hard not to bother you.
i know how u dread clinging gals,
slowly tranforming,
i never knew i am capabable of being one.
how insufficient i am of you.

Full force,i want to charge at you.
yet too many factors hold my speed.
forgive for going back on my words of confidence and self-delusion.
Bear with me awhile,
while i try to walk out of this erupted feelings cleanly.

how are you doing there?
n why do i bother asking,
answering my question muz hav been a waste of time for u.
while u tenderly shower her with all your essence,
i'm reliving every histroy of us together.
the beautiful moments you left behind.
they are oxygen,constantly surrounding me,
enabling my livelihood.
my heart has never worked harder than this in life.

Understanding the meaning of sweet misery,
enjoying every second because i know i hav fallen in love.
years of hard cold feelings i hav stored for him,
u came and opened the window.
i can always wait for my love,
but will he get a gal and hurt me again?
announcing to the world his love for her while holding my hand,standing next to him?
treating me with attitudes so different from his dearly beloved?

forgotten,
now,
i have no right to compare and be jealous.
because we hav btohered to make things so clear,
i'm ashamed of myself now.





yc