dejected

there is one pain people can bear,
walking like living dead.
I now knows how its feels,
because u hav bestowed me the opportunity to self inflict my arm, to wear the pain of heart.
u declared your love for her so publicly,
with me hugging you.
making so known to the world,a substitute they see.

Sparing me no sweetness from the bottom of your heart,
tearing my every hope with cold response.
allowing me the sight of her importance,
successfully sending everyone into one conclusion.
awkwardness of me,weirdness of my presence.
pitiable a little soul.

to reach to u,
i have to see her face.
sending every delightness into flame,
turning every optimism into ash.
my heart is contracting so hard,i hardly breathe.
yet,i fear to take deep breath.
for they are the factors that make my tears flow.
what am i going to do now...
i'm trying so hard,my body is worn out,
my spirit so tired,my eyes so swollen.

nowadays i hate myself,
i hate myself for thinking of giving up.
i hate myself for being a bother in your life.
wasting your time and money.
when elated everyone should be,
u splashed me with the weirdest word that pierce my heart.
i am so lost now in this world.
i have to cry myself everyday to numb my sadness.
i know,
how every drop would make you more discontent with me,
how every drop id absurp in you eyes.

my heart jus hurts so much now,
i couldn't bear the thought of how importantly u hav placed her face to all your friends.
and please,
if possible,stop playing with me.
stop showing me the face that makes me cry so hard everytime.
i'm so lost on wat to expect from you.
Just give me the truth.
tell me rude.
and maybe that will do me good.





yc