crocked

i just finished a movie,
about a girl looking for perfect love.
how the movie relate into my emotions,
how the director make me run my thoughts.
so i did what he wants the lead to do,
i went outside,and lay myself on the road.
and i look around,and sense it.
how low have i stoop to to look for love,
how i always blind myself,cover up.
that i know they love me.
self-denial to the reality.
then,i stood up.
all this dirt that was stucked to me,
all the pricking little stones.
i went home,light myself a long awaited cigerette.
the lightness is crashing my mind flow,
should i leave the tap running.
wash away all my thoughts,flush the toilet bowl.
gulping mouthful of water,should i serve myself some wine.
no...they will only expedite my cry.
how come i don't deserve what other girls have,
how come i was refrained the right to love.
every kiss that i give away,is a waste.
like all the moving water,ridding of everything that's in the way.

i am willing to do anything for love,
but everyone always pushes me away when they know i will.
is that wrong?!
my every action,marks the failure of my control.
why do guys go all the way to impress me,
when i'm attracted,they move out.

how come i cant go to sleep and never wake up.
i want to bring my bliss forever with me,
i dont want to wake and think about things again.
agony.
i'm seriously not as strong as people deem it.
i'm just a girl,who wants you to cuddle me to sleep,
who gets to speak to you truthfully.
to see you all the time,to receive your concern messages.
i cant compose myself anymore.
my quiet phone...
right beside me.

how i have abused myself.
this trembling lips.



yc