C.O.C.V.

it is words that you have spoken,
conversations we have shared.

i remember you told me you dont like my name using my initials,
you told me it sounds very fake.
you told me you hate people putting up a front,
i felt...like you were talking about me,because indeed i am a girl always putting up a front for everyone.
i hope,i can gain recognition.
but exactly the same seconds,i lost you.
lost the laughter we used to share.

how come,i always wonder.
that we have drifted so far apart.
how come,when others can do it.
we failed.
distance?thinking?
i guess you're really tired,
i acknowledge,now, that i was too dependant on you.
i rely on you for too many things,
and i thought the freindship would return all my debt.
saint,but you are still a living human,
breathing in air,normal,like everyone.

yet,to rise,
i became selfish,i inhabit negative addictions.
i refresh my character too many times,
that,eventually, i too loathe myself.

you cannot stagnent your life to accompany me,
i chose to leave.
you carry on your life,your responsibilities to your family.

years have passed,
i came to realize.
as we grow up,maybe our relationship will be lifted to another level.
when we are independant,when we are both floating on the same cloud.

it is still not the correct moment yet,
but the thought,itself, already aches my heart.
i made a blunder,
i escaped and all my friends need to take the rap for me.

behind my smile,
there is a thread of remorse,everytime.
i have crumbled many things up...

and i think its time i bake the pie,get the ingredients right.
can i hug you ever again?
can i not look into our photo album alone again.

i miss you,my friend.




yc