orgy

so,its that easy.
that easy to let me go.
this grueling crumple up of emotions,
coagulating.
today,my firm heart quakes.
by this pain,this sense of disclosure.
in broad daylight,my watery eyes.
please,god.
let me hide.

you have never once complimented me,
have you notice that?
itz always actions that i self pacify myself.
the option to blind myself,
the choice to keep on being happy and delighted.
free as a bird,
you don't belong to me.
no one owns you,
only your heart.

am i that bad?
i wonder to myself.
is there something about me that actually makes you smile...
so i am not that wonderful as i presume myself to be,
or i tried portraying.
today,i'm overshadowed.
by slums,piles of reality weight upon my shoulders.
yes,you and me,not that happy.
maybe i should conclude within myself that i'm not that good.
not good enough for anybody,
for myself even.

as i sunk myself into the embrace of food,
the binge-eating.
i still helplessly sought for comfort.
yet all i see in the mirror now,
is a loser.
a pessimist piling on the pounds,
and eventually swim in my own swirling pool.
round and round,
about and about.
food digest,
like feelings.
one day i shall find the routine to discard it.

for this feeling that's troubling me,
i have no idea how to deal.
some sleep will help,
if i can.
and hopefully my dreams don't fail me with your images,
so i don't wake up hovering amongst again.

maybe i'm meant to be alone.
and alone shall be until the defining day comes.









yc